Nice to see ya

Where the hell have I been? I've been pretty busy. I normally do my blogging from work and work's kept me pretty busy lately. I try to stay as far away from a computer as possible when I'm at home because I spend all day at work on one.

Things with The GF have been a roller coaster. We have our ups and downs. One up was mind blowing sex. That could probably be an up and down..get it? We still can't get along on regular basis though.

I've been talking with The Other Girl a little bit via messenger and she's taken the plunge. She left her husband. No it doesn't mean she and I are going to hook up again. I admire her in one sense, she had the guts to leave him, but on the other hand it's a scary prospect. I'll cross that bridge soon enough I think. I just have to continue to work through the process until my time comes.

Did I mention that we had mind blowing sex?

I'll have more I'm sure but I figured that I'd throw some up real quick.

Where are all the hot women?

The new girl

I'm working on a new project, as if I need more work. I swear my company doesn't realize how much the projects they give are impacting my ability to blog. I'll have to talk to my boss about that.

This new project has this wonderful project manager. She looks like an under-educated, naughty secretary. She's pretty nice too.

I really have no interest in her but she's nice to look at. She always wears the best outfits too. She'll definitely make the meetings a lot more tolerable.

She wore these shoes one day. At first I wasn't a big fan but they grew on me after I got a chance to evaluate her outfit. Nice.

Why?

I'm trying to figure out why I do this. Why do I keep trying to hang in there with her? I know why, I keep thinking I can make it work. I don't want to lose what I think may be the best thing to ever happen to me.

As the days go on a little more of me slipping away to never come back.

We managed to take what was a seriously awesome weekend and shit all over it in the end.

I planned this really cool day for her birthday. I made dinner reservations at this restaraunt she'd been wanting to eat at. I reserved studio time with a local purse designer so she could create a custom purse. She chose the design, the materials, and every little detail down to the stitching.

Did she appreciate it? In some small way but she still managed to pick it apart in the end. My cool idea didn't turn out to be as cool I thought it was.

I give up.

I feel weird today. I'm not sure what it is. I just don't feel like myself.

I did hit the gym last night though. Shit was I wrong about there being no hot girls where I live. Hot girls do live here, they just hide until a certain hour and then they all go to the gym at the same time. I got lucky last night and picked the right hour. Unfortunately I didn't talk to any of them. That's not my 'gym style.' I hate when people talk to me at the gym so I don't talk to anyone in return. I'm there to workout. That's it. But looking at good looking women is extra motivation.

Even though I have a shitload of projects, I've been slacking like mad at work. I just can't get in to work lately. I've been surfing so much at work. It's sad. I've actually been to the end of the internet and now I've run out of things to read, watch, listen to.

I was looking through some old pictures and I found this one of how I used to look. Man I had nice shoulders. More motivation.

I just feel weird.

So bored

...I'm half tempted to post my number at work online to see who calls me.

Enough

I'm having a hard time focusing today. I had a long weekend of nothingness. I didn't do shit but sit and stew about, well, shit. Most of it was focused on The Girlfriend.

Here's what's really going on....

We live together. We still live together. We haven't truly broken up. It sounds so easy to just leave but it's not that easy. The thing that makes it hardest to leave is finances. At one point I was sure I was going to marry this girl. Based on that we made some decisions that impact both of us. Namely we put things in BOTH our names. We invested in real estate thinking that it would give us a little nest egg for when we get old and retire. It sounded so good, buy some property, let someone else pay it off by renting it from us and make some money. Little did we know the bottom of the real estate market would drop like a stripper for a dollar bill.

Selling the property is not an option. We would lose all the money we've invested in it so far. We're sort of stuck until the market gets better or until we get a good deal. We pulled it off the market until then.

We both own one SUV and three motorcycles. I have a kickass Harley and crotch rocket. She has a Harley. Those we could get rid of fairly easily but we would take a loss on them too.

The third financial piece is that I dropped $6000 on a three week vacation to the Carribean. It's non refundable. So I'm stuck with her for three weeks in a cool bungalow. I can live with that but I can't lie and say I my eyes won't wander because I'm just not that in to her anymore.

So I spent the better part of this weekend thinking about how can I get out of it. We did have sex but I wasn't in to that either. It sucked for me.

In the meantime I'm passing up all these opportunities to get to know other women because who the hell is going to understand that I'm in a relationship. I could do the girl on the side thing but that always ends up with the girl getting to attached and that's messy. I'll pass.

So I made up an escape plan. I felt like JLO in that one movie, Enough.

In the meanwhile I'll focus on the gym. It always does me really well when my mind isn't focused. Endorphins have a way of focusing me.

Thoughts running through my head at any given moment

• How does Midget Arms' wife put up with him?
• I miss her.
  
• Will Hayden Panitierre be fat when she gets older?
• How cool would it be if I really lived like one of the guys off of Flight of the Choncords?
• I should just stay single forever.
  
• What can I get away with today?
• It won't be that bad if I only did it once will it?
• I really need a super power.
  
• I've got to get out.
• Is she trying to get in my pants?
  
• There's got to be a better way to do that.
  
• Love is way overrated.
• Is that a man or a woman?
• I would do her.
• Only a few more months to put up with this crap.
• I need a new lunch buddy.
• Why do I gravitate towards younger chicks?
• Why are women my age so goody goody?
  
• Is my blog that boring?
• Man I love trouble.
• I can't be the only one around here who's sneaky.
• Why are there so many unhappy wives?
• Everyone is shady. I just embrace it.
  
• If I get caught I'll still get away with it.
• Get a friggin' real ringtone.
  
• Pace yourself.
• Nice nipples!
• There's gotta be one good thing about her.
• She's so ready to leave her boyfriend if not cheat.
• Keep it legal.
• Do these people really think I want to be friends with them?
• I'm only doing this so you owe me a favor.
• What ever happened to The Conductor?
• Am I the only freak at work?
  

It's complicated but life is still good

Things with me and The Girlfriend are complicated. We did break up but there's more to it than that. I think that deserves a post of its own. Suffice to say we had ex sex and ex sex is awesome. I think a post on ex sex is deserving of its own post too. I'll save those for later instead of having this run on paragraph of competing ideas and thoughts.

I've begun my shift in life. I'm taking a new turn for a new me. I realize how 'new age' that sounds but it's the simplest way to express it. Even that may not be entirely accurate. I'm just trying to change things in preparation of upcoming events, my impending, total singledom amongst other things.

I'm back in they gym now! It's been two weeks and counting. I forgot how much I love to work out. I used to be a gym rat. Part of me hopes that people can still see that I had a 'hot bod' (as young people put it) at one point and just sort of fell out the groove.

Yes I'm vain to a degree. No matter what people say, looks go a long way in life. Looks go a long way in business too. If a good looking guy told you something and an ugly guy told you something different, who would you instinctually believe first? The good looking guy right? I thought so.

I haven't heard from Ding-a-ling Girl but it's only been a few days since our initial encounter. She did call me at work though. I doubt it was work related. She didn't leave a message for me. I just saw her number on my caller ID on my desk phone. Unfortunately she has my work number but it's okay because I can ignore her to my heart's content since all calls run through a switchboard at work. No one has my actual number and I can 'blacklist' a number so that my desk phone won't ring and the caller thinks the number is disconnected. You gotta love technology. This is a key tool when you have disgruntled, former lunch partners or wannabe scrote snaggers.

There's also a possibility of a new woman for lunch time activities. I'm not sure where it's going but my instincts tell me she wants it to go somewhere other than work. She's an older lady and is entirely too interested in my personal life. She asks a lot of questions. I took notice that she doesn't talk to anyone else like this so its got me thinking. She's married, unhappily I might add. I'm like this weird hybrid of Dr. Phil and a Chippendale dancer. Women want to talk to me about their innermost thoughts then want to see me naked. I know better than to fondle coworkers on company time so I'll leave it alone but I'm also so fascinated by all things I shouldn't be doing. My life can be such a conundrum of interconnected yet polar opposite thoughts.

Overall life is good. I don't have many complaints. The complaints I do have are all fixable in either the short run or will work out in the long run. I'm just working out the kinks as I go.

Mr. Miyagi, my sensei

Sad news. My newest lunch time partner is out. I was considering Ding-a-ling Girl but I quickly shot that down. Rather, she shot herself down. In your comments, my two faithful readers, it was mentioned how sickening it was for a woman to throw herself at a man in that fashion. I agree.

As the day progressed with her it got worse.

She kept commenting on how big my feet were. She kept literally staring at my crotch and she wasn't trying to hide it. At one point I swear she licked her lips. I'll confess that I did kiss her. Hey I wanted to see if she was a good kisser. She was. So sue me. But in my defense, I kissed her way before she turned on the heat. Maybe that's what spurred the next event...

As I was getting ready to leave she reached out and tried to cop a feel of my scrote. Luckily I watched Karate Kid earlier in the week so I was able to execute the wax on /wax off block with Ralph Macchioesque precision.

To her credit, she was very cute, almost hot. She was even sexy..BUT..she made it too easy. Come on, at least make me chase a little bit. Not too much to where I'll get bored but enough so that I get to at least feel like I accomplished something.

The whole grabbing of my crotch like Michael Jackson turned me completely off. Needless to say she's out for my lunch time buddy.

Once again the search ensues. Maybe I'll grab lunch with the softest girl in her hood when I'm up there! At least I know she won't make a play for my nads.

Ding-a-ling

I'm sitting next to the girl who confessed to checking out my ding-a-ling. Yes I said ding-a-ling. What a wonderful word. I don't know how I get myself into these situations. If you ever want to see what a woman would say and do to a perfect stranger hang out with me sometime.

I was in Amanda's hood (as if there are hoods where she lives!) on Friday meeting with a client. We ended up going to lunch as a group and oddly enough got separated in sidebar conversations. I think this girl made an effort to get me alone.

It was just small talk initially. Then we started talking about hitting the bars. I asked her where she goes and she told me. She said, 'You should come out there sometime. I'll buy drinks.' I said, 'I don't know that my girlfriend would like that.' (That's usually a fishing line to see what the girl says in response.) She said, 'Then don't bring her. Just hang out with me.' That's where I knew I was in.

I asked if she minded that I had a girlfriend she said no of course. This story is really long because it happened over the course of 4 hours so I'll shorten it before I get carpal tunnel syndrome.

She told me that she doesn't have a bf but doesn't care if I have a gf. She just wants to hook up on the side. She told me she wanted to see me naked because she was checking out my ding-a-ling as I walked in and when I was sitting next to her. She wants an up close view of it.

She told me that I was attractive. Then she showed me naked pics of herself on her phone! How's that for a follow up to a compliment?

I swear this is a true story. You would not believe some of the stuff I get myself in to. There's something about me that screams: UNDER HIS PROFESSIONAL EXTERIOR LIES A PLAYER.

The thing is, I always look professional. I'm always in slacks and a button up. I keep things very business like. I kind of have to in my line of work. If I don't appear this way then people won't take me serious and won't trust that I know what I'm doing.

I don't know what is but chicks always want to check the ding-a-ling. Man is she going to be disappointed...

UPS

Holy shit this chick was/is checking out my package. How do I know? She told me....

If I only knew

I had a conversation with a female friend of mine the other day. We were talking about sex and how our partners view sex. It got me thinking about what I know now about sex versus what I knew back then, in my younger days.

God was I a horrible lover in my younger days. I sucked in the sack. Say that five times fast. I'm not saying I'm Don Juan DeMarco now but I'm at least more informed.

I've taken a more scientific view of sex. Mathematical even. I've gotten to know angles, positioning, cause and effect. Reading that makes it sound so cold but it's not really. I'm not either. I just pay attention more.

Any man that wants to go for hours is crazy. I can't think of anything besides sleeping that I want to do for that long. If you can't reach a climax within 20 minutes then he's doing something wrong. I realize some women take longer to get there. Some women are like classic cars, you warm them up for a bit and they purr when turned on. I prefer frequency over marathons.

Speaking of sex, I still haven't see The Other Girl in while. She'll catch me online and we'll message back and forth but that's it. I've decided to limit myself to lunch time trysts. Anything else is way more complicated than I need right now.

I'll have to find a new lunch buddy at some point. It doesn't have to be anything physical. A lunch date every once in a while works for me. I could use a change of pace when it comes to company.

I'll get on that.

More meeting crap

We had big meeting today to discuss organizational changes. Basically someone got promoted and the powers that be wanted all 36 of us in my department together so we can all fake laughs and congratulate the new person we will be reporting to.

Now did we need to take an hour to do that? No. But people in my group like to meet for the sake of meeting. The new director is not someone new. We've all known her for years. So I'm not sure what all the hubbub was about. We all reported to her anyway in some capacity. I think this was just a meeting of mutual, 'I'm okay, you're okay' chatter. Various people chimed in to wax poetic on the virtues of our new boss and what a great job she's going to do.

Do I give a crap? Nope. I still have a job and the chain of command just got one link longer. Someone asked if were going to get a new 'org chart.' Do you really need a Powerpoint presentation on where you fall in the food chain? Will that enable you to do your job better?

Someone else said, 'I'm excited for all the organizational changes and the opportunities your leadership will bring.' Wait a minute, is that a sucking noise I hear or is that puckering? Either way it's not like our newest boss is William Wallace and we're all gonna paint our faces to meet death by primitive impalement on the Scottish Highlands.

While everyone shoveled there shit in heaps of praise on our new boss I took a look around the room. There were 28 women and 8 men. Of the 28 women only 3 were doable and one was kind of sexually ambiguous. Number one is of the short haired variety and looks like a picture out of Vogue when it comes to style. Number two is whiny prat but cute at times. The sexually ambiguous one could be cute if she didn't reek of sex change in Thailand forgoing the Adam's Apple removal to get that discounted rate advertised in Sex Change Daily.

What about number three? I'm glad you asked. She had on glasses of the librarian type! She was sweet like an over ripe mango. Her pouty lips made her look like an unpaid extra from a scene in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. She made the meeting was almost worth the lost hour on my timecard. Unfortunately she couldn't balance out the usual makeup of a meeting.

What's in the makeup of a meeting? It's a cast of characters in every meeting in my world. The cast is made up of the following:

• The Joker - This person makes a joke out everything. More times than not they aren't funny except to him. It's usually a male, balding, computer paunch (the kind of stomache you get from sitting at a computer all day and leading a sedentary lifestyle), and relives his high school glory days in stories about, '...if the coach had only put me in the 4th quarter we'd be state championships.'
• The Talker - This one is a female. Her hair only looks good on the days she gets it cut and styled. Every other day it's feathered and exposed roots. She talks incessantly while someone else is talking.
  
• The Naysayer - Comes in both the male and female version. This person is always screaming that the sky is falling and can find the negative spin on anything.
• The Laugher - Again, male or female here. This person laughs after everything they say and as they laugh the try to talk again only to raise their voice a few decibels, raising the hackles on all neighborhood cats within earshot.

And you wonder why I hate meetings. Maybe I should rethink that because meetings do bring me such enjoyment from people watching.

Line in the Sand

I'm drawing a line in the sand today. I'm taking a stand. I'm turning back to the old me. Swagger on.

(This post had more but I think this sums it up.)