Hot Chick is a Couch

Please don't ever grow up and get a 'professional' job. It's not what it's cracked up to be. I'm not saying that my job is important by any means but I do make more than the median income of the average household in America by myself. So a bit more is expected of me in my job.

Part of what is expected of me is attending meetings. Many times these meetings suck donkey nuts because they are productive for the first 15 minutes or so and then they deteriorate into sad diatribe that's sadly unfunny, kind of like a Dane Cook show.

I had a meeting this week that was just like this. I normally make excuses to get out of meetings. Sometimes I'll even stage phone calls so I can leave the room. I've even found a service that will do it for me. That day I ended up staying at this meeting because she was here!

As soon as I walked in to the room I saw her. Holy shit was she gorgeous and she had style!! I love style. She had on grey, 3 quarter sleeve, form fitting top with dark pin striped slacks. She accessorized with a grey scarf tied tastefully in an Ascot Knot. It would only get better if she wore librarian glasses. If she rocked the librarian glasses, much to the dismay of everyone at the meeting, I probably would have fully disrobed and proceeded to play limbo close to her nether regions.

I couldn't help but think how much she looked like Jessica Alba. While I'm not much of a Jessica Alba fan, she is pretty hot. So I spent much of the meeting stealing glances at her and trying to figure out if she had a ring on (as if that would matter).

She ended up presenting in the meeting for a short but glorious time and when she was done she went back to her seat to grab her stuff and leave. When she got back to her seat she put on her coat and started to walk out.

Holy shit was her coat ugly. It didn't even match her pants! ALL the style points went out the door. She took all that time and effort to come up with this magnificent outfit that accented her curves live the Colorado River does the Grand Canyon yet she failed to match her coat.

She wore this plaid coat that although was within the given color scheme, the patterns didn't match at all. She looked like an old couch when she walked out.

I was so disappointed.

The Breakup

So I did it. I broke up with The GF. Over the last few days I've been feeling 'out of sorts' and I guess this was just a culmination of it.

We traded emails at work. In a nutshell, what started out as a seemingly good idea by me turned in to this ball of screeching and finger pointing. I said in an email after getting a terse response, 'I was trying to do something good. My intent was not to make you mad or upset. I was only trying to be a more active part in this relationship.'

After all the emails back and forth I called her to try to straighten things out and it only went downhill from there like an Olympic skier. She pretty much went off on me. I'm not sure about other people but I don't respond to well to finger pointing, blaming, and jabs. I like contructive conversations with solutions at the end. It's the pragmatist in me.

The conversation went on like this:

Me: ...then we should breakup. It's obvious I don't meet your basic needs.

The GF: But you do. You only do it in spurts, but I've seen you do it. I know you can.

Me: But if meeting your basic needs means I lose myself in the process, is that really worth it?

The GF: You're saying you don't want to? That's how I see it. You just want to give up. You don't even want to try.

Me: I've tried. I admit that I have been able to make you happy at times, but if we weigh it out, in the grand scheme of things you are unhappy more than you are happy.

The GF: I'd have to say it's 50-50.

Me: 50-50 is only good in baseball. (Other sports too but you get my drift!)

The GF: I don't agree. It's not what I want.

Me: It's what I want. I can't go on like this. It's crazy but I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself. You want only the good parts of me. You want to mold the rest in to the man you think I should be. I am who I am. Scars and all. You need a man that's going conform to your definitions of what a man should be. Unfortunately I'm not that man. We are so far apart on the fundamental parts of what makes a relationship work.

The GF: How so?

Me: Here's a big one for me. It's the destination not the journey. For you it's all about the journey.

The GF: Example?

Me: This weekend. The bbq we went to.

The GF: So you're saying that you don't want me to have my way?

Me: It's not that at all, but each time you get your way and it compromises my own beliefs, I lose a little bit of myself. Today is nothing but a microcosm of how we don't work. I am not that man you need. I will never be. I believe that now.

The GF: Part of a relationship is working at it everyday.

Me: That illustrates my point. Fundamentally we disagree. I think good relationships just are.

The GF: No, you have to work at it.

Me: But you shouldn't have to work this hard....

It went on from there but that's the gist of it. I can't do this anymore. She has so many built in insecurities that I end up paying the price for what others have done. To her, if you make a mistake, it's within the rules to have that person pay over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I don't live in the past. Fix it. Get over it and move on. Let's start living for the good days. Stop worrying about what happened in the past.

I say this knowing that some things take more time to heal but other things are minutae (that's a great word).

My issue has to do with her control freakishness...her inability to be spontaneous. I love life. I live it like there's no tomorrow. I operate outside the lines because that's where it's most fun. She bandies back and forth between the lines.

In the beginning it was a good contrast to my aloofness. In the end it's one of our many downfalls.

She's not a bad woman by means. She's a great woman. She's just not that great for me.

SIDENOTE: ..amanda, I can't comment on your blog. Your word verification doesn't work.

Kinda single now!?

I did it. I ended things with The Other Girl. The conversation was pretty simple. It went something like this:

Me: I think we should end this. It's not working.
The Other Girl: What? What isn't working?

Me: Us seeing each other. That's not working.
The Other Girl: Why not?

Me: I don't feel right about it. (I'm lying here if you didn't know.)
The Other Girl: It never bothered you before!

Me: I know, but it does now. I'm scared that you husband will find out.
The Other Girl: He won't.

Me: What if he does?
The Other Girl: He won't.

Me: I can't take that chance. Besides, I need to see if things are going to work with my GF. (I'm lying again. They won't work with the GF.)
The Other Girl: So there's no way to make it work?

Me: No. I've got to get my house in order and I can't do it if I'm playing house with someone else.
The Other Girl: Can we still talk?

Me: Yes. Hit me up online. (That's my attempt at sounding hip and cool.)
The Other Girl: I'll miss hanging out with you.

Me: Maybe in another life this would work. (Getting metaphysical is always a good way to ease the tension.)
The Other Girl: Sure.

Now I know you're all wondering, what if she goes psycho? She can't. Well she can but she doesn't have any info on me. She doesn't know where I work. She has a general idea but doesn't know exactly. Hell she knows my middle name and not my first name. She doesn't even have a phone number for me. I covered all bases, I hope.

So one down. One to go. I broke up with the GF today too. More on that later.

Bored to tears

I am so bored at work today. Sure I have tons to do but I'm really slick at getting shit done at the last minute, so I'll til then to start. Someone save me.

She does what?

I don't think that I've ever mentioned The Other Girl on here. If not, a quick synopsis on her. I met her sometime last year and we get together from time to time when her husband is out of town. I know, I'm a jerk right? I know this. You know this. Judge me. Deal with it.

We met in a coffee shop. How Seattle huh? We were sitting near each other and just started talking. It went from there. I was very up front about my relationship status and so was she. We clicked enough to be dangerous and here we are.

Normally she just brings me lunch or we go out to eat. There's very little contact involved. We have and do kiss on occasion but no sex. I can't bring home cooties. That would not be good. I think I fill a void in her life that her husband can't. I actually listen to her. I pay attention to her. I make her feel beautiful. At least that's what she tells me.

I've had opportunities to have sex with her but I just haven't. As crazy as this sounds, as long as we just kiss, then I don't think it's all that bad. She tells me all the time that she'd like to be in my band and play the meat trumpet but I always keep her at arm's length. I think that's the secret with her. You give her just enough to keep her interested but not too much where she's bored.

So we're talking yesterday and she tells me she smokes weed. I was kind of surprised because she seemed so innocent, aside from the fact that she has musical aspirations (reread the previous paragraph for the funny as hell reference).

So now that has me rethinking things. On top of the fact that we could get caught by our SOs, what about me getting caught up in some drug bust? She told me she kept it a secret because, 'You're a businessman with a professional job,' and she didn't want me to look down on her.

I don't think smoking weed is bad at all. Hell, as Peter Tosh says...legalize it. But at the same time I don't want to meet up with her one day and get busted because she has weed.

I'm thinking I'm going to have to end this tryst, as much as I enjoy it. I might have to find a new Other Girl. Or I might just have to be good. Nah, I'll find a new Other Girl.

I'm a whore (I seriously lack a good title)

I admit it. I'm a whore. I think admitting it is the first step isn't it? I've said it before, I just may not be boyfriend material. Maybe I'm not a whore but I know I get bored quite easily and I hate being tied down and I like kissing.

I tend to feel suffocated after a while. I like my space (not to be confused with myspace-which I don't do) as I alluded to in my previous post. This weekend we spent some time apart and I felt good about it. It didn't bother me one bit. Not a good sign methinks.

We have a vacation planned. We have the tickets and everything. We were headed to the East Coast to a mutual friend's wedding and were going to take in the sites for a few extra days while we were there. To be honest this person is more her friend than mine. I could care less about going. I told her that I didn't want to go afterall. Oh shit did she flip.

She was not happy. She basically told me that I didn't want to go just so I could be alone while she's out of state. She thinks that I'm going to mess around while she's gone. That's not entirely true. I'm not saying it's out of the realm of possibility, but it's not like I plan on having an orgy as soon as her plane takes off.

If she keeps this up she's just going to end up pushing me away. But our relationship is kind of like a car wreck on the freeway. You don't want to be a part of it, but you can't help but be drawn to it. That's us. That's how feel.

...I'm in a car wreck on the freeway.

Point of clarity and mixed mumbo jumbo...

I like women of all colors. Yesterday it was Asian women. Generally speaking all women have their pluses. Until recently I've date almost white women exclusivelys. I'm Hawaiian so white women look best skin to skin. There's something about the contrast, unless she tans and that blows my contrast theory right out of the water. Overall I like women!

In short, color doesn't matter. What does matter is style. I love style. She doesn't need to be in D&G all the time. I even like the Bohemian look. As long as she has style and she wears it well, I'm in. If she is really stylish, her look changes....I'm your sucker. I guess I'm like that because I like to think I have style and how I dress/look changes all the time. (Old people can have style too!)

AR mentioned not being in love anymore with someone despite the fact that he makes her happy. I think I'm steering towards the same thing. Getting involved after being single for so long is hard. I'm used to running through life freely like a gazelle on crack in the Serengeti but when you're in a relationship it doesn't work that way.

How irritating is that?

Case in point: I'm headed home after work so I call the gf to let her know I was leaving and to make small talk. We get off the phone after 5 minutes of conversation. Two minutes later she sends me a text. WAAAAAAAAAIT...didn't we just talk? Did we not cover something? I don't even remember what the text read. After that text, I get another. I don't respond because it was a text that didn't require a responce. Then she calls me to see if I wanted to do something for dinner. This all happened in the span of 15 minutes after talking for 5.

Can a blogger get home first and unwind? Can I get a chance to change and do some general breathing exercises? Keep in mind that she texts/calls/emails me throughout the day.

Where is that buffer that I so cherish? What happened to personal space? This alone is enough to make me drink.

UGGGGHHHH.

Weekend Wrapup

I got crazy drunk Friday. I had vodka, beer...I know you shouldn't mix the two...but I did, Patron, and various other mixed libations. It was good times. I made some new friends, none of which were of the cute, vaginal type. I guess I should've expected it because the GF was with me.

I got a new jacket. I even got it on sale.

I had lots of sex too. Lots of sex is always a plus.

The GF and I actually got along this weekend. It was a good change of pace. I don't know if this has an correlation to my being inebriated or if I really got something right. It was probably my being inebriated.

A coworker of mine that's always trying to get me to go out with him sent me some pics. He does this every Monday to show me all the women he hangs out with. He knows I'm on a Asian women kick lately and this club he goes to always has Asian women there. So this Monday was no exception. I open up my email and there he is, posing with hot Asian women like he's at an import car show.

I don't think my hankering for Asian women will last. I go through phases. Before Asian women it was athletic women. Before that it was librarians. This too shall pass. (You're a bible thumper if you recognize that last phrase as being in the bible.) The one consistent like of mine is women who wear glasses. I'm a sucker them.

Hope you have a good Monday.

Random thoughts...

• I need a haircut
• I wonder if she's a good kisser?
• I wish they would leave me alone
• I really should be working
• Locals here are obsessed with knitting and God
• Her boobs look saggy
• Her boobs are her best feature (different woman)
• Is he really that old?
• I'm glad I have a job
• There goes becoming a doctor
• I should start a separate, anonymous blog about my sex life
• Whoa, they really did remove someone's kidney through their vagina
• How does she keep her job?
• What would they do without me?
• What does he want now?
• I bet I can get away with that
• She always acts like she knows how to do it but really can't
• Wow, I really worked today
• I'll slack off tomorrow
• If it weren't for music at work...
• Please stop calling me
• His story never changes, same shit..different day
• I really wish I could dropkick him in the nads-he needs it

...my random thoughts for the day!

Filler...

I'm sitting at work wondering how the hell I'm going to get through the day. It has nothing to do with me feeling bad, I'm just bored like a mofo.

This is not good. When left to my own devices good things do not happen. I tend to not use my time wisely. Taking blogging for example, is this really good for the company bottom line? I'm sure I could be doing something to enhance profits but how would that change my boredom?

Things got a little better between me and The Girl. We talked and I realize that a fair portion of the change has to come from me. It's that I never realized that fact, I think it was always a matter of if I wanted to change. Up to this point, I didn't. I now understand that I have to give this a real shot before I throw it all away. If I do this, I can walk away with a clear conscience. If it comes to that.

In my boredom I did manage to find a really disturbing trend. I think it only affects the Eastern part of the country but I sincerely hope that it's not something that's headed this way.

This disturbing trend is called 'Frolicing.' Apparently it's a form of dancing where you look like a Gotti Boy and kick and gyrate to horrible music. In normal speak that's called a seizure on the Jersey Shore. If you're a douche it's called frolicing.

I took the liberty of posting a video of it.

My question is, how do you dance with a girl w/out kicking her in her vaginal region by accident?

To frolic, one must be wearing lots of cologne, Armani Exchange shirt, and has to say 'fuck' a lot. The mandana is optional. Popped collar is mandatory. For your viewing pleasure I give you this gem.