It's complicated but life is still good

Things with me and The Girlfriend are complicated. We did break up but there's more to it than that. I think that deserves a post of its own. Suffice to say we had ex sex and ex sex is awesome. I think a post on ex sex is deserving of its own post too. I'll save those for later instead of having this run on paragraph of competing ideas and thoughts.

I've begun my shift in life. I'm taking a new turn for a new me. I realize how 'new age' that sounds but it's the simplest way to express it. Even that may not be entirely accurate. I'm just trying to change things in preparation of upcoming events, my impending, total singledom amongst other things.

I'm back in they gym now! It's been two weeks and counting. I forgot how much I love to work out. I used to be a gym rat. Part of me hopes that people can still see that I had a 'hot bod' (as young people put it) at one point and just sort of fell out the groove.

Yes I'm vain to a degree. No matter what people say, looks go a long way in life. Looks go a long way in business too. If a good looking guy told you something and an ugly guy told you something different, who would you instinctually believe first? The good looking guy right? I thought so.

I haven't heard from Ding-a-ling Girl but it's only been a few days since our initial encounter. She did call me at work though. I doubt it was work related. She didn't leave a message for me. I just saw her number on my caller ID on my desk phone. Unfortunately she has my work number but it's okay because I can ignore her to my heart's content since all calls run through a switchboard at work. No one has my actual number and I can 'blacklist' a number so that my desk phone won't ring and the caller thinks the number is disconnected. You gotta love technology. This is a key tool when you have disgruntled, former lunch partners or wannabe scrote snaggers.

There's also a possibility of a new woman for lunch time activities. I'm not sure where it's going but my instincts tell me she wants it to go somewhere other than work. She's an older lady and is entirely too interested in my personal life. She asks a lot of questions. I took notice that she doesn't talk to anyone else like this so its got me thinking. She's married, unhappily I might add. I'm like this weird hybrid of Dr. Phil and a Chippendale dancer. Women want to talk to me about their innermost thoughts then want to see me naked. I know better than to fondle coworkers on company time so I'll leave it alone but I'm also so fascinated by all things I shouldn't be doing. My life can be such a conundrum of interconnected yet polar opposite thoughts.

Overall life is good. I don't have many complaints. The complaints I do have are all fixable in either the short run or will work out in the long run. I'm just working out the kinks as I go.

Mr. Miyagi, my sensei

Sad news. My newest lunch time partner is out. I was considering Ding-a-ling Girl but I quickly shot that down. Rather, she shot herself down. In your comments, my two faithful readers, it was mentioned how sickening it was for a woman to throw herself at a man in that fashion. I agree.

As the day progressed with her it got worse.

She kept commenting on how big my feet were. She kept literally staring at my crotch and she wasn't trying to hide it. At one point I swear she licked her lips. I'll confess that I did kiss her. Hey I wanted to see if she was a good kisser. She was. So sue me. But in my defense, I kissed her way before she turned on the heat. Maybe that's what spurred the next event...

As I was getting ready to leave she reached out and tried to cop a feel of my scrote. Luckily I watched Karate Kid earlier in the week so I was able to execute the wax on /wax off block with Ralph Macchioesque precision.

To her credit, she was very cute, almost hot. She was even sexy..BUT..she made it too easy. Come on, at least make me chase a little bit. Not too much to where I'll get bored but enough so that I get to at least feel like I accomplished something.

The whole grabbing of my crotch like Michael Jackson turned me completely off. Needless to say she's out for my lunch time buddy.

Once again the search ensues. Maybe I'll grab lunch with the softest girl in her hood when I'm up there! At least I know she won't make a play for my nads.

Ding-a-ling

I'm sitting next to the girl who confessed to checking out my ding-a-ling. Yes I said ding-a-ling. What a wonderful word. I don't know how I get myself into these situations. If you ever want to see what a woman would say and do to a perfect stranger hang out with me sometime.

I was in Amanda's hood (as if there are hoods where she lives!) on Friday meeting with a client. We ended up going to lunch as a group and oddly enough got separated in sidebar conversations. I think this girl made an effort to get me alone.

It was just small talk initially. Then we started talking about hitting the bars. I asked her where she goes and she told me. She said, 'You should come out there sometime. I'll buy drinks.' I said, 'I don't know that my girlfriend would like that.' (That's usually a fishing line to see what the girl says in response.) She said, 'Then don't bring her. Just hang out with me.' That's where I knew I was in.

I asked if she minded that I had a girlfriend she said no of course. This story is really long because it happened over the course of 4 hours so I'll shorten it before I get carpal tunnel syndrome.

She told me that she doesn't have a bf but doesn't care if I have a gf. She just wants to hook up on the side. She told me she wanted to see me naked because she was checking out my ding-a-ling as I walked in and when I was sitting next to her. She wants an up close view of it.

She told me that I was attractive. Then she showed me naked pics of herself on her phone! How's that for a follow up to a compliment?

I swear this is a true story. You would not believe some of the stuff I get myself in to. There's something about me that screams: UNDER HIS PROFESSIONAL EXTERIOR LIES A PLAYER.

The thing is, I always look professional. I'm always in slacks and a button up. I keep things very business like. I kind of have to in my line of work. If I don't appear this way then people won't take me serious and won't trust that I know what I'm doing.

I don't know what is but chicks always want to check the ding-a-ling. Man is she going to be disappointed...

UPS

Holy shit this chick was/is checking out my package. How do I know? She told me....

If I only knew

I had a conversation with a female friend of mine the other day. We were talking about sex and how our partners view sex. It got me thinking about what I know now about sex versus what I knew back then, in my younger days.

God was I a horrible lover in my younger days. I sucked in the sack. Say that five times fast. I'm not saying I'm Don Juan DeMarco now but I'm at least more informed.

I've taken a more scientific view of sex. Mathematical even. I've gotten to know angles, positioning, cause and effect. Reading that makes it sound so cold but it's not really. I'm not either. I just pay attention more.

Any man that wants to go for hours is crazy. I can't think of anything besides sleeping that I want to do for that long. If you can't reach a climax within 20 minutes then he's doing something wrong. I realize some women take longer to get there. Some women are like classic cars, you warm them up for a bit and they purr when turned on. I prefer frequency over marathons.

Speaking of sex, I still haven't see The Other Girl in while. She'll catch me online and we'll message back and forth but that's it. I've decided to limit myself to lunch time trysts. Anything else is way more complicated than I need right now.

I'll have to find a new lunch buddy at some point. It doesn't have to be anything physical. A lunch date every once in a while works for me. I could use a change of pace when it comes to company.

I'll get on that.

More meeting crap

We had big meeting today to discuss organizational changes. Basically someone got promoted and the powers that be wanted all 36 of us in my department together so we can all fake laughs and congratulate the new person we will be reporting to.

Now did we need to take an hour to do that? No. But people in my group like to meet for the sake of meeting. The new director is not someone new. We've all known her for years. So I'm not sure what all the hubbub was about. We all reported to her anyway in some capacity. I think this was just a meeting of mutual, 'I'm okay, you're okay' chatter. Various people chimed in to wax poetic on the virtues of our new boss and what a great job she's going to do.

Do I give a crap? Nope. I still have a job and the chain of command just got one link longer. Someone asked if were going to get a new 'org chart.' Do you really need a Powerpoint presentation on where you fall in the food chain? Will that enable you to do your job better?

Someone else said, 'I'm excited for all the organizational changes and the opportunities your leadership will bring.' Wait a minute, is that a sucking noise I hear or is that puckering? Either way it's not like our newest boss is William Wallace and we're all gonna paint our faces to meet death by primitive impalement on the Scottish Highlands.

While everyone shoveled there shit in heaps of praise on our new boss I took a look around the room. There were 28 women and 8 men. Of the 28 women only 3 were doable and one was kind of sexually ambiguous. Number one is of the short haired variety and looks like a picture out of Vogue when it comes to style. Number two is whiny prat but cute at times. The sexually ambiguous one could be cute if she didn't reek of sex change in Thailand forgoing the Adam's Apple removal to get that discounted rate advertised in Sex Change Daily.

What about number three? I'm glad you asked. She had on glasses of the librarian type! She was sweet like an over ripe mango. Her pouty lips made her look like an unpaid extra from a scene in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. She made the meeting was almost worth the lost hour on my timecard. Unfortunately she couldn't balance out the usual makeup of a meeting.

What's in the makeup of a meeting? It's a cast of characters in every meeting in my world. The cast is made up of the following:

• The Joker - This person makes a joke out everything. More times than not they aren't funny except to him. It's usually a male, balding, computer paunch (the kind of stomache you get from sitting at a computer all day and leading a sedentary lifestyle), and relives his high school glory days in stories about, '...if the coach had only put me in the 4th quarter we'd be state championships.'
• The Talker - This one is a female. Her hair only looks good on the days she gets it cut and styled. Every other day it's feathered and exposed roots. She talks incessantly while someone else is talking.
  
• The Naysayer - Comes in both the male and female version. This person is always screaming that the sky is falling and can find the negative spin on anything.
• The Laugher - Again, male or female here. This person laughs after everything they say and as they laugh the try to talk again only to raise their voice a few decibels, raising the hackles on all neighborhood cats within earshot.

And you wonder why I hate meetings. Maybe I should rethink that because meetings do bring me such enjoyment from people watching.

Line in the Sand

I'm drawing a line in the sand today. I'm taking a stand. I'm turning back to the old me. Swagger on.

(This post had more but I think this sums it up.)