Hokey self talk...

Not that I have a ton of readers but what have I been up to lately? Not a lot. Seriously. Well I did go on a tropical vacation for two weeks. I guess that counts as something. It was fun but it's back to real life now.

It's funny because I have things throughout the day and I think to myself, 'I should blog about that!' and by the time I get to it, I forget or lose all steam.

Things with the GF have been okay. I'm still not 100% sold on us being together for the rest of our lives. I have decided to not look so much outside of what we have but to try to fix what can be fixed inside. We'll see where it goes.

I've also decided to stop talking so much about what I want to do but actually do it. Some where along the line I've fallen into this trap where I take my (ususally) great ideas and do nothing with them. In the past I've at least tried to make changes where needed. Recently I just do nothing. So today I change this.

I know that all sounds like hokey self talk, but you gotta start somewhere right?

I'm not dead

...really I'm not. I've just been busy with life. I'm going to try to get back on the blogging horse here shortly.

Weird dream

I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt I was in a photo shoot with a really hot woman. For some reason all of the poses involved me hugging her from behind while cupping her breasts Janet Jackson style. I'm not sure why we only posed with me cupping her breasts but I didn't seem to be complaining in my dream.

At one point we're laying in water, like we were in a bath tub, and I offer to cup her breasts for a better pose. As I'm lying beneath her in the water, cupping her breasts, my ex walks in. My ex than starts chastising me for laying in a bath tub naked with this woman while cupping her breasts.

I hop out of the tub, in all my glory, and sit on a couch where my ex is. I start asking her why she's so upset with me? We broke up years ago. She then breaks down in tears and proceeds to tell me that she misses me and is having problems with her current boyfriend.

I hug her, with no real intentions but to comfort her like a nice guy. I tell her I really don't have any feelings for her.

Next thing you know The Girlfriend walks in and gets upset with me. Then I wake up.

Nice to see ya

Where the hell have I been? I've been pretty busy. I normally do my blogging from work and work's kept me pretty busy lately. I try to stay as far away from a computer as possible when I'm at home because I spend all day at work on one.

Things with The GF have been a roller coaster. We have our ups and downs. One up was mind blowing sex. That could probably be an up and down..get it? We still can't get along on regular basis though.

I've been talking with The Other Girl a little bit via messenger and she's taken the plunge. She left her husband. No it doesn't mean she and I are going to hook up again. I admire her in one sense, she had the guts to leave him, but on the other hand it's a scary prospect. I'll cross that bridge soon enough I think. I just have to continue to work through the process until my time comes.

Did I mention that we had mind blowing sex?

I'll have more I'm sure but I figured that I'd throw some up real quick.

Where are all the hot women?

The new girl

I'm working on a new project, as if I need more work. I swear my company doesn't realize how much the projects they give are impacting my ability to blog. I'll have to talk to my boss about that.

This new project has this wonderful project manager. She looks like an under-educated, naughty secretary. She's pretty nice too.

I really have no interest in her but she's nice to look at. She always wears the best outfits too. She'll definitely make the meetings a lot more tolerable.

She wore these shoes one day. At first I wasn't a big fan but they grew on me after I got a chance to evaluate her outfit. Nice.

Why?

I'm trying to figure out why I do this. Why do I keep trying to hang in there with her? I know why, I keep thinking I can make it work. I don't want to lose what I think may be the best thing to ever happen to me.

As the days go on a little more of me slipping away to never come back.

We managed to take what was a seriously awesome weekend and shit all over it in the end.

I planned this really cool day for her birthday. I made dinner reservations at this restaraunt she'd been wanting to eat at. I reserved studio time with a local purse designer so she could create a custom purse. She chose the design, the materials, and every little detail down to the stitching.

Did she appreciate it? In some small way but she still managed to pick it apart in the end. My cool idea didn't turn out to be as cool I thought it was.

I give up.

I feel weird today. I'm not sure what it is. I just don't feel like myself.

I did hit the gym last night though. Shit was I wrong about there being no hot girls where I live. Hot girls do live here, they just hide until a certain hour and then they all go to the gym at the same time. I got lucky last night and picked the right hour. Unfortunately I didn't talk to any of them. That's not my 'gym style.' I hate when people talk to me at the gym so I don't talk to anyone in return. I'm there to workout. That's it. But looking at good looking women is extra motivation.

Even though I have a shitload of projects, I've been slacking like mad at work. I just can't get in to work lately. I've been surfing so much at work. It's sad. I've actually been to the end of the internet and now I've run out of things to read, watch, listen to.

I was looking through some old pictures and I found this one of how I used to look. Man I had nice shoulders. More motivation.

I just feel weird.